i hate hiding. and yes, this would prolly be what i hate too.its like i hope you know and i hope you dont know. i dont want you to know because i dont want to ruin our relationship. yes. current relationship. im kind of pissed actually. knowing that im just a substitute...and i cant DO ANYTHING. i suddenly remembered, back then how you desperately 'begged' people just to help others. yeah, that was nice of you. but it was definitely not fair for/to the other one . why not i let you, then i beg you back for it. how does that sound huh. yeah, it doesnt concern me, so why on earth am i talking about it? i just hope that you know that it would be kinda selfish and rly unfair if you did that. im sorry but i really need to let it all out otherwise im gna die from it. i get pissed just by the thought of it. i mean its like i cant blame you for doing that. i cant blame anyone for doing that. its like.....its natural for you to think that way. so yes, huibing, you're wrong. i cant get over the fact that you choose to rather trust someone than someone that you know, at least wont betray you. my friend told me not to trust you. you told me not to trust my friend. who exactly am i supposed to trust. you told me its not stupid to just look @ the stars. and its kinda rude and mean of you to tell me in my face that looking @ stars are stupid. yeah, who am i, you wna be rude then let it be. i have always treated you as my best friend but now you treat me like shit ok. arrgh forget it. no one gets me. no one ever did. im really training very hard now. to secure my position. i can still remember how sick i was yesterday, i cant even do my own dishes.....but nothing's gna stop me from training. my back still hurts. ever since the first bgirls training i went. i am going to train tomorrow. real hard. i am going to go beyond my limits. go beyond. way beyond. carry heavier weights. more that i can carry. to make myself stronger i have to do this. but i dont think i can. :/ bye.