people change, clouds fade, storms appear one after another.

life's been.........................so far.....i dont know what to describe it with. i just need somewhere to type out or say out...yeah i need that.
i dont want to be the asshole in which some of my classmates call me, neither do i want to be one of the dogs or spongedog. please tell me that ngee ann dont invade peopls's privacy in their confiscated ipod touch. so far, i know i can still take it but i dont know how long more i will be able to hold and take it in. i like this class. but i dont like the way the blow away all my clouds just in a day or a lesson. and i am left alone to draw my own clouds in stormy days all by myself. but thankfully, there are still some nice classmates that offered to help me to draw and colour my clouds. i really dont know how long more they can help me. i really dont know. people leave, dont they?

i need a miracle. history repeated. its not easy. this road is full of holes that will make you fall and cry. but all i have to do is to try and blur my vision so that i dont need to see anything that will make me fall and cry ever again. its not easy but im going to try. i want to become a honest person. i want to change. i need to. for the past, i am just another coward that lies just to keep friends. now i just want to change and see if my friends will stay. things dont last. do they? i know im a ugly bitch, a noisy bitch. and lousy friend and chairperson. but who would actually doubt a teacher's words? you didnt even bother to explain to me. all you said was "return me my itouch." nevermind all that. its not important now. all i want to say to you all who have deceided to kick me out of your life:

thanks for being my friend, being there for me and helping me in a way or another. and thanks for letting me know im a bitch. and a ugly and noisy one too. you all have been a great friend, classmate and schoolmate. without you guys, i'll never get to experience many things like crying in school, learning the importance of friends and many other stuffs.

im sorry. i love all of you.

hey. i have a friend i used to hate alot. and her name is karyl. i dont hate her now. i really dont. its just that sometimes, things happen and hurt me. i am not angry. but i just wna know if apologies are meant to be sincere or not. i just want to have friends. a group, a group that i dont have to try to blend in. i just want to have friends that wont hurt me. i am not saying that my friends now are. but maybe the way we think is different. karyl, a nice girl. a very nice one, friendly, out-going. i seldom talk to her but if im not ok, she's always the best listener.<3 pingswen, i might call her ahlian all the time and i tell you i dont like her but i like her. shes nice and caring.also the most unreasonable one.<3 she's one who stands up immediatley if i were to get bullied. she's nice. perlyn. the nicest and most forgiving person i've ever known. no matter how much people make her pissed, she'll still smile and say "its alright" and keep everything to herself. <3 huiwen. the optimistic and kind and cheerful one. the one who never gets bored talking about retarded stuffs with me. the one who always tell people to spike balls at her. the crazy one. <3 kahwai. from a girl who has a not very good attitude to someone, or maybe, a player who has good attitude, that everyone likes. also, she is a very guailan #11. the friend of guailan #13. carol. the dumbest woman that has ever done the dumbest thing in the world with me and thats playing.<3 wenxin. the craziest here. but we all love her because she never fails to not be the craziest one during training. cheryl-ann the quiet one. heh. nice too. and the one that always gets disappointed because i missed 39.<3 wenqi, the r4 one! random stuff and random wenqi. the random-est one. <3

hi. i've been slacking and not studying for the past few days. And common test is approaching. i guess i'm gna flunk all the papers. i will be studying with friends later. hope it will be productive.
you've changed back to your old self again, i guess thats pretty normal right? ever since you improved. oh well.....i do hope that the debrief yst helped. truthfully speaking ttm, i hate talking ttm during training. and other than that, i guess training was fine. i need to improve. i'll be in danger. damn. its not that i cannot take comments, its just that i can take comments from people who dont know why i did certain things in a certain way. stressssssssssed.

truth.

is it so hard for you to even tell me the truth?! i find it rly amazing when you can tell me a lie and i stupidly believe it. damn this world. full of LIES!!!!!! i want to kill everyone around me so i dont need to think so much! damn you people. i want to KILL YOU ALL. but i cant. damn hide and keep everytihng. stop lying lah.

is it rly hard to rmb what you said?! is it that hard?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! you dont even bother right?! nvm. i shouldnt be saying sorry.

you stop shouting at me can anot huh. you are always humilating me infront of alot of people. i tell you once i start to be independent you eat my shit. you eat my shit. i got ask you train me ah?! you throw it so low i fall and injure myself you still not happy what you want sia. i AM NOT a very forgiving person ok.

IDK IDK IDK IDK!!!!!!! why is this world so complicated?!?!!??!!?

grrh. screw all the big fat liars in this world ok. screw them.

pls stop saying things that wont even happen ok.

you. i had enough of you liao. dont shout at me again. i might just shout back at you for shouting at me so many times in public. i tell you I HAD ENOUGHT OF ALL YOUR SHIT!!!!!!!! arrgh. you think you big i scared ah huh?! sorry ah age doesnt come in here.

but the eldridge thing is rly making me doubt my way of thinking and impression.

WHO TO BELIEVE?!?!!?!?!!?!!?!?!!?!?

ha loser huibing.

just so you know this feeling is like no other.

heh. many things happened. as usual im the loser lah.
stop helping me. stop. if you dont want things to get complicated.

and i hate you. i rly hate you. idk what i can do now to relieve the stresssssssss.
i hate you at times and i dont hate you at times. idk why either.
i almost shouted at you today. lucky the 'clearer headed' side of me stopped myself form shouting at you.
its kinda hard to ignore you, stay as best buddies. its really hard. idk how i am going to do it.
but i guess i'll just have to fight the feeling inside me. Ha.....

pingswen is faking a smile. so i shld probably learn from her. heh.

jealousy kills ok, it really kills.

i cant believe how many 'yes, okay' i said to you and how many 'no no no' i said to the friend that was there everytime i was sad. i just cant believe. i need to learn how to say 'no' to you.

i guess you prolly treated a friend, that dont always say 'yes' to you like your best friend and me, friend? it really hurt me alot. and you dont know how sad i was when you refused to do smth for me.

and during training today. i felt really really sad and whatever you call it and i reallywanted to confront you and ask. ha but i dont get the courage to. the middle row really hurts me alot. k fine dont think abt it.

bused home with wenxin and shermin(?) came up the bus. . . . . . .
reached ws. sent ws to ws and then i went to the town park there to have dinner with mom and sis.
bleedy cold ok. walked home, like 2 mins?
bathed and steamed mantou to eat and here i am, blogging. or rather complaining.
erm not exactly complaining but...............spilling out? heh.
ok i gtg alr i needa pack bag and sleep. dont think so much.

hello! merry xmas! ^^
so, i shall continue with yst's story.
shabu shabu for dinner, awkward max ok.
before we eat, i have to like....ask lots of ppl to eat i mean like....
"uncle eat, auntie eat, auntie eat, auntie eat,jiejie eat, korkor eat."
before i can EAT. and and dropped my chopsticks twice. twice. damn......so ps..
as i was eating, mario korkor came,
korkor: ah koh, why you never talk to him*referring to leslie*
me: er.............
korkor: say hello or hi to him! ^^
me: HI! **but leslie is like right infront of korkor and me.
leslie: *looks up from his hp and look @ me. "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA"
me:*laughs but awkward you know.*
korkor: *came out of the kitchen* ah koh, why you never talk to him?
me: i did...i said hi. and he just keep on laughing.
leslie: *laughs*
korkor: ask him what's his name. *smiles*
me: whats your name?
leslie: HAHAHAHAHAAHH
me: ......*laughs*


-in the kitchen-

i was putting the leftover food into the fridge ......
korkor: ah koh whats his name? *points to leslie*
me: ..... leslie?
korkor: NOT HAHAHAHAHAH MEH?
me, korkor , leslie: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAH
1020, ppl start to go home..... and zack and cody !! on disney channellllllllll^^


santa's pressie for lauren is here! she dragged me out of bed to accompany her to get her pressies open. and she was looking for santa's pressie for her. but thats what all 5 year old kids do right?
it was a fish tank with 4 fishes in it!
we played hedbandz. its smth like taboooooo.
then had steamboat for lunch and...............bathed.........here i am blogging!! ^^
gg to cousin's house later.....so i can see femfem*and wig**!
*female cat
**male cat

ok, thats all. got to go! ^^ bye kiddo, melly xmas! i bet no one's reading. but its ok, i shall continue to blog ^^

hello! its been quite some time since i last posted.........so here i am! ^^
i miss ppl in sgp. :( haizz. but i miss vb more hehehehehehehe
watched guilliver travels yst. . . . . heheheeh awesome. watched it @ XXI premiere
the cinema provides blankets in the drawer inbetween the seats. nearly fell asleep while watching cos the seat is simply too comfty!! i can lie all the way down!! with my feets right infront me, not below me.

hello! im finally blogging again. yeah. LOL.
14th dec.
kinda angry with the jetstar woman @ the counter.
she said i wasnt 14 yet so she didnt issue the boarding pass. -.- the internet didnt say so.
went to get lauren's xmas and bday pressieeeeee LOL.

15th dec.
woke up, went to dufan!
fun like idk ehehehe.
best part, we dont need to queue coz jiejie got the fast trax tix hehe.
ate @ idk what place. somewhere on the beach.
found a jelly fish while waiting for our food to come.
wow we waited from sun till sunset. lol idk what i am typing hehez.
fed lotsa mosquitos.
at least 10 mosquitos. damn.

16th dec.
lauren's bday!
woke up @ 11 sgp time, did the clay mermaid.......
bathed....
ate.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
i saw leslie. lol. kinda broke his voice and sounds like a ..... guy
hehhehehez LOL. oh and prolly his mom too. LOL ok.
now my eyes are closing and im dead tiredddddd. hehehe gg bathe now and off to bed!

i wonder just where i am in your mind. please tell me what to feel. going for b girls training, hope there wouldnt be any probs. i rly hope. im gna train really really hard so you just watch. c bitch.

14 th is coming yeah! and i hope 30th isnt gna come anytime soon :) can you just imagine how good your holiday would be if it wasnt for the homeworks? :/

i hate hiding. and yes, this would prolly be what i hate too.its like i hope you know and i hope you dont know. i dont want you to know because i dont want to ruin our relationship. yes. current relationship. im kind of pissed actually. knowing that im just a substitute...and i cant DO ANYTHING. i suddenly remembered, back then how you desperately 'begged' people just to help others. yeah, that was nice of you. but it was definitely not fair for/to the other one . why not i let you, then i beg you back for it. how does that sound huh. yeah, it doesnt concern me, so why on earth am i talking about it? i just hope that you know that it would be kinda selfish and rly unfair if you did that. im sorry but i really need to let it all out otherwise im gna die from it. i get pissed just by the thought of it. i mean its like i cant blame you for doing that. i cant blame anyone for doing that. its like.....its natural for you to think that way. so yes, huibing, you're wrong. i cant get over the fact that you choose to rather trust someone than someone that you know, at least wont betray you. my friend told me not to trust you. you told me not to trust my friend. who exactly am i supposed to trust. you told me its not stupid to just look @ the stars. and its kinda rude and mean of you to tell me in my face that looking @ stars are stupid. yeah, who am i, you wna be rude then let it be. i have always treated you as my best friend but now you treat me like shit ok. arrgh forget it. no one gets me. no one ever did. im really training very hard now. to secure my position. i can still remember how sick i was yesterday, i cant even do my own dishes.....but nothing's gna stop me from training. my back still hurts. ever since the first bgirls training i went. i am going to train tomorrow. real hard. i am going to go beyond my limits. go beyond. way beyond. carry heavier weights. more that i can carry. to make myself stronger i have to do this. but i dont think i can. :/ bye.

I MISS CAROL HUNG KA YEE....ARRGH.

today was a pretty bad day. shouldnt talk about it. it brings you nothing. so stop thinking about it and leave. bye.

hello. i doubt you'll ever know what i wanted. yes, never know. because i dont wna ruin our relationship just like this. i dont want. its not worth it. really. but i think i'll just let you know when the time comes.

ADRIAN WEEEEEEEE YOU SEE THIS PIC? ^^

i need to stop thinking. i really need to. i think im crazy but maybe i'll stop being so crazy as time goes by. i hope so. but i really really mean what i said. when i type properly, i mean it. i really mean it. maybe im just thinking too much. I REALLY MEAN IT. I JUST HOPE YOU'LL GET WHAT I MEAN.

marina bay sands.

i guess i was pretty lucky this few days though.

went to stay with couzie @ Marina Bay Sands since last thurs till this tues.

went skypark to swim almmost everyday except for like one or two days LOL.

i am super black now. yes. but i think my moom cant even tell the diff.

ate lots of good food YAY! ate at 'ku de ta' @ the skypark. soft shell crab awesomeeeeeee.

k got to go alr. there's match tomorrow. goodnight sweetdreams people. ^^

VOLLEYBALL CAMP! heeeeheeeeheeeeheeeez!

played lots of stuffs, learnt lots of stuffs too, prolly knew many more stuffs better now.

seen your white barbie doll face HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.

I am gna train hard. stady hard for the next few years ok.

what i am gna do to make sure that i train hard.

1, treat every training seriously.

2, do extra PTs no matter how tiring and painful it is.

3, never cheat for PTs.

4, reduce mistakes.

5, learn and get rid of my bad habit

remember how they treated you.

remember to give them what they gave you.

be generous.

they give you 10x , you shall give them 100x back

Hello. today i went for my senior's match. guess what. i managed to learn a thing or two.

'if you are afraid, then just wait for the opponent to kill you" learn the true meaning of being fearless. FEARLESS. just how many of us could actually portray it? (my english sucks) the answer is prolly every 4/6 ppl. why? nobody but ourselves can make ourselves fearless. yes. depends on us. you wanna win, you need to be FEARLESS. yes. thats the way to win. provided if you use your brains too. when you're on the court, its either you get killed by your opponent or you kill you opponent. to survive, play smart. not many of us could actually do that. dare to make mistakes. dare to step in and eliminate the opponents.